Notes To Self

NOTE TO SELF: MUSIC IS POWERFUL. IT CAN CREATE AND DESTROY. NOT TO BE OVERLOOKED, BUT MUST BE KEPT IN ITS PLACE. ENJOY IT!

When I'm lost, devoid of any bearing of who or where I am, I go far into the past, before the complications of thought. When I was young and happy without having to work for it. When the simple things like music and family made me happy. Now to self: Keep it simple .

I have found that the more I think about it, the less I know who I am. For the most part, I am playful, happy and carefree, but on the flip side, I sense my existence is of deeper meaning . Although I interact largely with the average male, who comes across as shallow, rebellious and devoid of feelings, I feel I belong to the minority that does not readily admit to being deep-thinkers, sensitive, and affectionate. I cannot begin to claim to be the perfect gentleman for I have had my fair share of mistakes and have known both sides of heartbreak. Note to self: it's OK to not be macho all the way through. Let the context of your personality flow , unrepressed .

I often fail to distinguish between assertiveness and impertinence. Perhaps I care too much about what many think of me. I hate to be the bearer of bad news even when it is of help to someone. Admittedly, I have a distorted sense of justice. In an effort not to hurt others, I suppress my own feelings. I act in ways that bring me a lot of discomfort. I am not perfect but want to make everyone perfectly pleased with me always. Note to self: Be reasonable and polite at all times , but do and say what needs to be done and said . You can't please everyone , you are only human . Imperfect and many times , flawed . Understand people and allow them to understand you equally .

" My trouble is I analyze life instead of live it" - Hugh Prather I couldn't have put it any better. Many a time, decisions are obvious from the choices before me but somehow, an inner conflict ensues. I over-think the simplest of situations and end up clouding my judgment, in the end I have a string of bad decisions and regrets about 'what could have been'. I do not speak of calculative contemplation -which is imperative in any decision making - , I here speak of ignoring the obvious choice because of the infinite "what ifs" that arise. The mind has it's special way of subconsciously processing information. When faced with options, we always somehow know what's right, yet do not always act upon it. That subconscious calculator is not to be taken lightly, it is the product of great design or evolution, whichever side you're inclined to. It is perhaps the core of your individuality, never to be taken lightly. Note to self: Listen ...

Standing out, being my own person, even when it means not being as  funny, diplomatic or witty as the next person, brings great self worth. Accepting myself as I am, makes me appreciate my personality as a unique individual. Note to self: Never compare self to anyone . Ever !

I have found that, the more I do what I should be doing, more than what I think others expect I should be doing, the happier I am, and the closer to being an individual I feel. People will always have expectations of me and whether real or imagined, I've often felt the pressure to act upon these, ignoring my personal judgement. Note to self: Please make your own mistakes . They are your ally .

Moved by Hugh Prather's quotes, I am writing out a few - or plenty - notes I consider cardinal to the development and discovery of self. It is my hope that we take this journey together, perhaps you will relate to many of my notes .   Hugh illuminated the fact that many of us have not the slightest clue who we are, though we may seem to have it all figured out, we are still in search of that ever elusive inner anchor. Here are a few quotes from Prather, that I could have written myself, but not any better:                          " My trouble is I analyze life , instead of live it "               " My feelings do change and I can have a hand in changing them"               " I choo se to use my own mind , ...