Notes To Self

Even though many of my posts aren't the happiest - sometimes bordering on depression - I'm not a sad person (maybe I'm in denial?).On the contrary, I'm optimistic and I certainly feel lucky to be alive. What are the odds of all my great grand parents meeting as they met, conceiving my grandparents and they in turn, my parents? What are the odds I was conceived when I was? Mathematically, impossible. I shouldn't be here, neither should you. But we are. Our existence could either have a deeper meaning than we realise, or it could have none at all. I chose the former. What do you believe?

It's the plot of every movie, the theme of many a poem; a broken soul, finds solace and completion in another. The sun sets and the storm of their individually dispirited lives calms.  I've long believed this to be the norm, never truly being single, never truly knowing myself. When I sat down and made an audit of my last relationships, I realised that I was the problem. They all ended for one reason or another, but the underlying factor was me. I was too much; I demanded too much. A few were genuinely deep, and meaningful, but ill-timed. The point of this whole post, sadly, is a cliche. My recent awareness of the fact that to be truly happy - whether alone or with another - one must find profound inner contentment. It is this deeper purpose I seek. This colossal void I wish to fill. What do you seek the most in your life?