Notes To Self

This note is different. It's for me as much as it is for everyone that relates to my blog. It's a shout out to the late bloomers. Those that haven't had it figured out yet. A shout out to those that spend their life in their heads, lost but at home. This is for the infinitely adolescent; a little angry, a little confused and bruised. You're not alone and you're not broken. Keep on seeking and ye shall find. Love, A drifting raft at Sea

Tonight, for the infinitth time, I watched one of the best pieces of motion picture ever presented to man: Fight Club. I relate to every bit of the movie. I'm a man. Decades ago, I didn't need to overcompensate to reinforce the fact. Decades and centuries ago, a man  was a man, he got things done all day and got home to a family that revered him. He was the beginning and the end. To be a man was to win and to feel entitled to the world when one did. However, a lot was wrong decades ago. Masculinity was and is achieved at the expense of the progress of femalefolk. It's sad fact that the sexes have been treated by society with shameless inequality. This post is from a heterosexual, man living in 2018, who stands for women but longs for masculinity. He remains a man, but realises the hurt masculinity can cause. He does not have role models in this regard because his father and his father before were men of steel, but his mother and grandmothers were repressed. Am I femini...

Even though many of my posts aren't the happiest - sometimes bordering on depression - I'm not a sad person (maybe I'm in denial?).On the contrary, I'm optimistic and I certainly feel lucky to be alive. What are the odds of all my great grand parents meeting as they met, conceiving my grandparents and they in turn, my parents? What are the odds I was conceived when I was? Mathematically, impossible. I shouldn't be here, neither should you. But we are. Our existence could either have a deeper meaning than we realise, or it could have none at all. I chose the former. What do you believe?

It's the plot of every movie, the theme of many a poem; a broken soul, finds solace and completion in another. The sun sets and the storm of their individually dispirited lives calms.  I've long believed this to be the norm, never truly being single, never truly knowing myself. When I sat down and made an audit of my last relationships, I realised that I was the problem. They all ended for one reason or another, but the underlying factor was me. I was too much; I demanded too much. A few were genuinely deep, and meaningful, but ill-timed. The point of this whole post, sadly, is a cliche. My recent awareness of the fact that to be truly happy - whether alone or with another - one must find profound inner contentment. It is this deeper purpose I seek. This colossal void I wish to fill. What do you seek the most in your life?

Dear me, When I first wrote you at 20, I didn't realise how powerful an exercise this would be. I wrote you again at 23 and promised to write you still at 26. Reading both letters has gotten me emotional for more reasons than just the contents. I realise with sadness and embarrassment, how inefficient I have been at both keeping, and setting goals. My past letters have reminded me what energy and resolve I had then. Something I do not seem to possess anymore. Depression and frustration have taken such a strong hold of my life. Reading my past notes reminds me of a time I was happy and looked to the future with optimism. I'm a few months shy of 26 and type with a great deal of shame, that I slipped back into some of the vices I had successfully left behind when I was younger; I consume more alcohol now than I did before I first quit, I have more friends than one needs, a lot of whom are only present at the counter. Perhaps the most embarrassing thing though, is how I...

NOTE TO SELF: MUSIC IS POWERFUL. IT CAN CREATE AND DESTROY. NOT TO BE OVERLOOKED, BUT MUST BE KEPT IN ITS PLACE. ENJOY IT!